Paradise Found

Partly why I haven’t written in a hot sec is because I haven’t been able to find the right words to describe what I want to say. But also, it’s hard to find words – or anything, really – until you’re able to find yourself.

Bit of a dramatic start but trust me, that was probably the kindest and most forgiving way I could have phrased it.

So, let’s just begin and see where it goes. First, I don’t really wish to dwell on specific struggles right now because I believe everyone is fighting their own battles, all the time. Every single person on planet Earth has things they are going through that serve to build character and ultimately help form who they become – or are in the process of becoming – as a human.

We are a product of the experiences that shape us. And of course, how we respond to those experiences is up to us. Often, we have a say in things that take place in our life. But nearly as often, we do not. For those of us who prefer to have a seat at the table in the story of our own lives (so, everyone) the times when we don’t have a degree of control over what’s happening can be particularly frustrating.

Personally speaking, I tend to put faith in my own passion toward a particular endeavor leading to a pleasing outcome. And in many cases, this has proven to be true – which of course serves to further reinforce this particular belief. However. There are far greater instances where it definitely proves not to be true. For example. When I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut – a fairly stereotypical aspiration, I know, but there you are. I loved science and space, and was in the Young Astronauts Club – we did a mock space mission – it was a whole thing. Anyway.

It wasn’t until high school that I realized two key facts about myself that would hinder said aspiration. One, I discovered I am claustrophobic. I do not enjoy being contained inside small spaces. If I see people descending into caves on documentaries, I get a good deal of second-hand anxiety on their behalf. Watching the television series You, with the cage, causes my body to experience a real-life fight or flight response.

Typically, I am visably distraught and have trouble sleeping after seeing an episode involving that cage. Tensing up imagining it right now. Suffice to say, I suspect being contained in a tiny space capsule for weeks on end is not something that would work for me. Fairly certain I wouldn’t last a day.

Next. I didn’t really think twice about signing up for Chemistry AP with all my friends, because that was just what we were doing at the time – sign up for the hardest classes possible, jam them in as tightly as possible, add sports and 20 different extracurricular activities, and hope to survive. It was a lifestyle. One we thrived at, to be honest, so I’ve no doubt it was an inspired method of tackling high school.

However. I discovered, in this process, that balancing equations, while a good time (such a good time) did not come naturally to me. I could not do it as fast as the true science nerds. Somehow, I did scrape by with a B in Chemistry, mostly because my lab partner and I made the best team ever (shout out to Ms. Kari Dalane, who is a genius and also has a blog). Our “Hurry Up Lab Group” as our chem teacher deemed us, aced every lab, which offset our abysmal test scores.

All this to say, it didn’t appear space was in the cards for me, what with tight spaces and lots of math. But it was okay. Because – in addition to having other passions – I learned a valuable lesson. You cannot, in fact, be anything you want to be when you grow up. Select career choices may be outside of your specific bailiwick. It is all right to accept that, and play to your strengths. If the idea of open-heart surgery makes you nervous (it does) you don’t have to become a doctor. You can pick a different profession.

With that said, just because you’re not intuitively good at something, doesn’t mean you can’t become a contender over time. If not master, you can certainly improve at nearly anything you set your mind to. With enough discipline and dedication, probably you’ll become decently good. The human brain is a powerful thing. You can get pretty far with it.

Cool. So what’s the point of this meandering piece of writing, you may be wondering? Excellent question. I was wondering myself, but I think we’ve finally arrived at it.

You can only control what is within your power. Namely, skills requiring practice, discipline – things that can be taught. If you study and practice every day, you can learn a new language, for example. Even become a better writer, if you write often enough. You might not be very good, but at least you can start a blog :-p.

But there are limitations. If you don’t have a natural aptitude for tight spaces and complex equations, you might not make it to space. There are aspects of life where you have a say in the outcome, and ones where you don’t. Identifying which is which, and applying your effort and energy accordingly, is pivotal.

What I learned is that you can go to the end of the earth for something, if you care about it enough, but that will only take you as far as you can go on your own talent and drive. Ultimately, there may be factors outside of your control. If that’s the case, identify what they are – not with intention of fighting a futile battle – but so you can allow yourself to let go of things that are outside your ability to change.

Focus instead on the things that are within your power to change. Because at the end of the day, that’s all you have. You can’t control who you are, or what other people do. But you can take ownership over your own responses and how you handle a given scenario. There is peace to be found in understanding the balance between what you can take responsibility for, and what is simply outside of your purview.

And I think continuing to gain a better grasp of ourselves and how we interact with the world is a worthwhile endeavor, whether or not it comes naturally for you.